Wrinkly Scrotum Broker
I’ve been called many things in my 30 years. The obvious Simone, Mrs. Dadoun-Cohen, Mommy, come wipe me (really, all in one breath), hey gorgeous, bitch (in that girlfriend –like “I want what you have“ sort of way) and bitch (in that jealous and insecure “I want what you have” sort of way); oh the list goes on. Some names I’ve found to be perfectly fitting while some I’ve aspired to grow into or out of. Of course I have my preferences, but for a girl who’s only ever wanted to be the name on everyone’s lips, I’m tickled pink just getting called.
The saying goes “first you work for your name and then your name works for you”; the fundamental concept behind that machine that is modern day branding. So, the question is: What’s in a name and does the name Wrinkly Scrotum Broker work for me?
Rewind some 3 odd weeks.
My husband, cordially known as THE Established Man who provided me with the experiences and network needed to launch EstablishedMen.com, whisked me off to Sin City for a week of healthy debauchery tempered by hours upon hours and shop, sun and sleep. During 2 such hours, we had the pleasure of sitting front row center at the Palazzo to see “Making Shit Up”, hosted by and starring my good friend and comedian, Grammy-nominated Wayne Brady.
If you’ve ever seen him on Who’s Line Is It Anyway, a sketch comedy meets game show bit, you’ll appreciate the platform of Making Shit Up. With the help of willing audience members and their random and often racy contributions, Wayne digs deep into his genius to improvise skits and songs; periodically as some crazy celebrity – In my case, MC Hammer.
Wayne prompted the crowd to suggest interesting occupations he could use for his Time Music Infomercial skit. An opportunity to shamelessly promote myself? Don’t you know I was practically standing on my head with my canary yellow chiffon dress down at my head too, trying to get his attention. Ok, not really but sidebar: the dress was soooo hot! Anyhow, I was summoned to the stage where I got to brag all about EstablishedMen.com – for a really really long time, and so the serenade was inspired.
“Wrinkly Scrotum Broker”, as MC Hammer, to the tune of Hammer Time. I can’t remember exactly what the lyrics were but I do clearly recall Wayne prancing from side to side a la Hammer, with his microphone dangling between his knees. I suppose this was his attempt at driving home the Wrinkly Scrotum point. Point taken and got me thinking about what EstablishedMen.com is and how misunderstood it continues to be.
EstablishedMen.com is a service catering to beautiful and ambitious women seeking to meet successful and generous men. My EstablishedMan is 35 years old. He is gorgeous, well built (and hung – nothing wrinkly on my favourite parts). He is educated, well-respected, elegant. My EstablishedMan is driven and creative, resourceful and relevant. He is in control of his destiny, living the dream. My EstablishedMan is funny, charming, cultured, talented and supremely affluent. He is respectful, generous, spontaneous and damn sexy. My EstablishedMan is my husband, my best friend and my partner and the very type of man that women will meet on EstablishedMen.com.
I’m not sure why people so often assume that the Sugar Daddy/Baby relationship is one between a naïve and prepubescent girl and an old rich man. On the contrary – the perfect sugar baby is a woman of substance; confident and goal-oriented, wise beyond her years, vivacious and inspiring. Only this type of woman could successfully hold her own amongst the sophisticated entourage that comes with and EstablishedMan. The ideal EstablishedMan is the Alpha Male; superior in every way, shape and form. This type of man need not wait until his 70’s to truly earn his fortune. He was on the verge right out of the womb.
So, Wrinkly Scrotum Broker – just another name to add to the list. I suppose the only real way to escape it would be to add a complete physical to my already lengthy vetting process. Hey Wayne, bend over.
At this moment in time a I simply a: passer-by. Still this article of yours makes a lot of sense and I wish more seriously competent young women would stop and reconsider what good can come of getting a little fiscal help, from a well liked guy with a little bit of authority that likes them enough to pay close attention and potentially care. Way to go on this business of yours.
Jose Castillo
August 2, 2009
Dear Simone,
Thank you for writing this and representing women like us. We were in limbo category for a while. I think the problem was that we just assumed established men liked the “dumb trophy” – nice and shiny on the outside, but rusty and hollow on the inside.
We are Wise, Strong and Intelligent Women who can offer Loyalty, Faithfulness, and TRUE LOVE to Established Men. At the same time, we are honest enough to admit that we do need a little fiscal help. I’ll be the first to admit that and I’m not ashamed.
My favorite quote is from Napoleon Hill – “Behind Every Powerful Man Is A Strong Woman.”
I wish you continued success in this endeavor. You’ll be the first to know when I find MY established man from your website.
-All the best!
MotoGirl
August 21, 2009