With a Little More Feeling This Time

Posted on October 7, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized |

In my ever exhausting quest for the perfect body, and by perfect, I mean 5’7”, 122 lbs, 82-84 % of which would be comprised of lean and sexy muscle, I joined a new gym and signed 200 sessions of my life away to a new guru promising front of the line access to the fountain of youth. (Insert “all bodies are beautiful and no I don’t have any eating disorders I’d like to discuss” comment to appease those of a varied fat-to-muscle ratio). Day after day, Ian has been reducing me to a whining puddle of sweat and shame; breaking me down only to eventually build me back up, stronger and hotter than ever. He assaults me physically and emotionally and although on the outside I hate him with enough passion to bench press him right through the pretty 3 storey glass windows at my new den of doom, on the inside, I looooooove him. I love him for the same reason I love my gayesque hair stylist, the world renowned cosmetic surgeon that I may or may not have an account with, the jacked specimen of boy/man who works my local nutrition store, my interior designer, any ex still pining over me and of course, J. Cheap and insecure whore who defines her sense of self worth against the measuring stick that is acceptance by the opposing gender? If you please. Really though, it’s all about expertise, with cock or lack thereof.

Taylor Swift, who btw, I’m going to be when I grow up, wrote this little anthem called Fifteen. Something genius about how “when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them”. Not fifteen anymore and although I’ll never let go of the cotton candy love that was T+S forever, I now know better and pick my kicks with a little (little) more discretion. The team of men, above-noted, who make up my fan base (or who I’m a huge fan of) all have two things in common. One, their existence, at least while in my presence, is all about me, me, me and making me look and feel gorgeous, and two, experts in their respective fields, they all know damn well what they’re talking about. It’s ok to buy into their propaganda! Oh, do I have a penchant for assertiveness. Mix it with a heavy dose of flattery and I’m a giggling 15 year old me all over again.

Short note but the point is simple. Whether you’re dining her or dressing her, flying her or flattering her, throwing it in the bag or throwing her on her back, for effect, just do it and say it like you mean it. Any senior can toss out a “haven’t seen you around here before”. A real man knows just how to say it to make a real woman wanna stay.


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